Prize on the Eyes

My friend Mortimer has been doing a lot better lately-- he's gotten past his apartment crises, hasn't had any major health crises, and has been steadily employed. He's managed to pay off his credit card bill, and is now feeling more comfortable spending money on a few things he's wanted for a while.
One of these things, which I think actually qualifies as a need, not just a want, is a new pair of eyeglasses. Mortimer hadn't been to an eye doctor in several years, but he finally went, and then asked me to come and help him pick out new glasses.

I was expecting the search to be painful, but we actually found Mortimer a very nice pair without too much trouble. Of course they turned out to be Paul Smith frames that cost $365. But if you think that's bad, wait til you hear what the total cost was: since Mortimer needs bifocals, now known as progressive lenses, and also wanted the lenses that turn dark in bright sun, the final bill came to $1,200!
I was a little shocked when I heard the number, but when you figure that he saved himself having to buy a second pair of prescription sunglasses, it doesn't seem that bad. And since he'll probably wear these glasses for several years, the cost could work out to less than a dollar a day-- not much to pay for looking good and seeing well.

"Don't Hate Me Because I'm Solvent"

I haven't even had time to read this NY Times article yet, but the title caught my interest: "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Solvent." (From my quick glance, it seems to be about a guy who bought a run-down house for $65,000, renovated it himself, and has no mortgage or debt.)

But what about this hating... do you think people are resentful or jealous towards people who have no debt? We're not talking towards "rich people" or billionaires or whatever, just their own peers in some presumed middle-class-ish income bracket.

I wouldn't say I've ever experienced this kind of situation myself, but I do feel there can sometimes be a sort of insidious, "oh just get over it and spend the money" kind of prodding from others when they see you trying to be frugal. Have you ever experienced this? I think it can be another one of those areas where food and money have parallels-- if you're with a friend who doesn't want to be disciplined about their health, they'll try to get you to eat the heavy dessert too. Or if you're out shopping and they buy something they can't afford, they want you to blow your budget too.

What do you think? Does this happen?

A Dinner with Friends

I went out the other night with 3 college friends:

Annabelle was visiting from out of town. She was just made a Vice President at a Silicon Valley company and though she totally downplays any sign of material success, I think she must make a lot of money.

Beatrice and Charlotte both live here in NYC. They are both involved in theater: one has a day job to support herself, and the other is currently living off some grant money.

Charlotte picked the restaurant, a cute Italian place in Hell's Kitchen. I figured she would pick something reasonably priced but it turned out to be rather pricey-- appetizers and salads were over $10, and pasta dishes were $13-18 for portions that were not skimpy, but not large enough to share either. The wine list didn't have many choices under $30.

We had a nice dinner: Beatrice and Charlotte just had an entrée each-- actually Charlotte had half an entrée, since she took the rest home in a doggie bag. Annabelle and I split a salad to start. All four of us shared one bottle of wine. (I know, this sounds shocking for me! When we were ordering I originally proposed we get a bottle each of red and white, but no one else seemed to like that idea, so I just nursed my one large glass...) We all split 2 desserts, I had a coffee, and Annabelle and Charlotte each had a brandy. I definitely felt like Annabelle and I were more inclined to just order whatever we felt like having, whereas Beatrice and Charlotte were being more careful.

When the bill came, it was about $180 before tip. We all took out our wallets and started trying to figure out the tip, when Annabelle said, "I should pay for this," saying she'd come into town and invited us all out at the last minute. We all of course protested, saying that was a silly reason for her to think she should pay. Then I semi-jokingly added, "Unless you're expensing it!" We joked about her new Vice Presidency for a minute, and she said, "Hey, yeah, I've been telling you about my company all night and you're all going to check out our website, right? I should expense it!" At that, Beatrice and Charlotte said "Whoo-hoo, thanks!" I said "Are you sure?" Annabelle insisted it was no problem so I let it go and thanked her too. But I suspect that she may have actually used a personal credit card to pay for it anyway!

Anyway, I guess I just found it interesting to see how different people seem to deal with accepting the generosity of a friend. Sometimes it seems awkward to accept, and sometimes when you know the person wants to be generous, and can afford to be generous, you can just relax and enjoy it, especially if it eases your own money worries a bit!

6 Degrees of Wealth

How close are you to wealth? I was inspired to think about this question by English Major's post about her aunt, who she describes as "... rich. Like, rich rich. Like, lives off her investment income rich."
I thought, wow, I know some people who are well-off but I don't think there is anyone like that in my immediate circle these days. My family are mostly in various tiers of the middle class, and their income comes from working, or their own retirement savings. I can't think of many family members who are likely to have more than 5 figure incomes except one cousin who is a lawyer, one uncle who is successfully self-employed, and the husband of a cousin, who works in the insurance industry. I also have family members who are pretty working class and probably earn well below the US median income (which I believe is around $48,000). If I expand the circle to include friends as well as family, there are a few more lawyers, a Silicon Valley project manager, and a couple other people in the business world who do pretty well, but also a number of people who work in non-profit fields, or low-paying industries like my own.
If I broaden the circle even more, to college acquaintances who aren't really friends any more, then we'd have some bigger money. A bunch of Wall Streeters, one or two people born into wealthy families, a minor TV star, and a few very successful artists and writers. And I'm sure some of them are rubbing elbows on a regular basis with people whose wealth puts them in the stratospheric upper levels of richness. I know for a fact that one person I used to sit next to sometimes in a college class is now married to a celebrity whose earnings are in the millions. Which just seems really weird.
Many personal finance writers talk about how your friends can influence your spending habits. Does having or not having wealthy people around you influence your attitudes about your own wealth? Do you have a financially diverse group of relatives and friends, or is everyone more or less at the same level?

Rachelle's Question: How Do I Move to New York?

Here's an email I got from a reader and have taken way too long to answer, mainly because my answer was "I don't know!!!" Readers, give me your ideas!

I just discovered your blog and I’ve been slowly working my way through all your archives. I really appreciate your honesty! I’m a 22 year old recent college graduate, currently working at my first “real” job in alumni relations at my alma mater. I grew up here, went to school here, and now I’m starting my adult life here. The thing is, I’ve always wanted to live somewhere else, especially NYC. I visited when my best friend lived in New Jersey but other than that, I haven’t spent much time there. Maybe it’s naïve to want to move to a city I barely know, especially one like New York. Then again, maybe it’s just adventurous. Anyway, my question is: Do you have any advice for someone who wants to move to New York , but doesn’t really know the city or anyone there? I’d most likely be in another entry level position, not making much money, so I’d need to find affordable housing and roommates. I don’t even know how to go about that! On top of that, I’d imagine conducting a job search from across the country is going to be really difficult. This is more of a life question than a personal finance question, but if you have any advice, I’d really appreciate it! Thanks for your time, and for the time you spend writing a blog that is so interesting to read.

Rachelle

Of course, to me there are no "life questions" that aren't also "personal finance questions!" Before I came to NYC I was very intimidated by the scale of the place, and the dirt and the crime (though a lot of that was already getting much better by the time I moved here). I might never have moved here if I hadn't done it for a relationship, and I already had other friends here too, and family, and a place to live. I was very lucky. And money was also a factor in that-- I knew what my rent would be, and knew the job I found would cover it. I'd already been out of college and working for a few years, so the job was above entry level-- of course this was still publishing, and my salary was only $25,000, but I also got a big bonus on top of that, which made it easier to save.
If I'd had other reasons to move to NYC without the kind of support network I had, I think I would have been much more daunted by the financial aspects of living in the city, and I probably would never have done it. But people do it all the time, and most of them somehow make it work.

About 10 years ago, I had an assistant who came to NYC from a very small town in the mid-west. She'd never lived anywhere outside her home state. When she arrived here, knowing no one, she rented the cheapest studio apartment she could find, in a remote part of Brooklyn. Money was tight, but she was making ends meet. But she was miserable, and very quickly decided she wanted to go back home. But since good assistants are hard to find, a few of us in the office wanted to talk her into staying.
My main piece of advice to her was to find roommates and live in a more central neighborhood where there were more young people. The neighborhood she'd been in was total culture shock, and bore no resemblance at all to the romanticized New York you see in movies. To me, if she was going to make it here, she needed support from her peers, and she needed to feel like she was experiencing some of the fun of NYC. People in the office gave her tours of different neighborhoods and contacted friends at various other publishing houses to try to find her a roommate. It worked and she ended up living in Prospect Heights in a building full of people her own age who'd have parties on the roof every summer weekend. She made friends, did well at work, got promoted, and today, she lives in a penthouse in Trump Tower.
Ok, that last bit about Trump Tower isn't true. You know what she really did? She ended up moving back to the mid-west after a few years. She'd made her life in NYC a success, but she'd had enough: she really wanted to live in the suburbs and have kids. But she'd had her adventure and I think she found it worthwhile.

But I digress... does anyone else have any advice for Rachelle on how to move to NYC?

Financial Confidantes

Here's an interesting topic, via All Financial Matters and One Frugal Girl-- who do you confide in about money matters?

I was thinking about this the other night, after having dinner with my friend Mortimer. We hadn't seen each other in a couple of months, so we were catching up on all sorts of things, including his job. He came right out and told me that he was going to be getting a raise from $65k to $70k at the beginning of next year. It's not the first time he's openly told me his salary, and I think in the past, I've been equally open with him. More recently, I haven't been, because he's been struggling somewhat, while I've been doing well, and it just seemed a bit uncomfortable to bring up.
I think the root of this may have been in the mutual friend who introduced us long ago, who I'll call Edgar. Mortimer and Edgar met about 25 years ago, when they were both sales clerks in a retail store. They both worked their way up to become managers, and then branched off into different career paths, but I think those humble beginnings in a store where everyone knew the hourly starting rate perhaps led to a degree of openness they might not otherwise have had. And when I started hanging out with the two of them, I kind of fell into the same kind of openness when we'd talk about jobs and finances. This was about 15 years ago-- the other key thing is that back then, none of us really had much money. We were all working at low-level jobs and could barely make ends meet, even though Mortimer and Edgar are older than me.
In the years since, I've been lucky and gotten a bit further in my career than either of them had by my age. Mortimer went through a phase of unemployment and health problems that was a major setback for his financial security (I wonder if anyone would get it if I had titled a previous post about him "Mortimer'S need"). Edgar is probably doing alright, but we've fallen out of touch with him ever since he moved to be with his boyfriend, Charlie. (Mortimer may have been a bit jealous-- he couldn't speak or move for a while after Edgar left.)

Anyway, I do have other friends with whom I talk around financial issues, but there really isn't anyone else I can think of who just tells me their salary like that... except for about 200 commenters on this blog! (oops, and my friend Buddy.)