tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post4304397963446688761..comments2023-11-18T01:21:55.631-05:00Comments on My Open Wallet: Weekend With the ParentsMadame Xhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11536189690094235926noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-7752791316256203052009-07-12T10:48:18.040-04:002009-07-12T10:48:18.040-04:00I wanted to come out of lurkdom to say that I'...I wanted to come out of lurkdom to say that I've really appreciated you posting about this difficult situation. I wish you and your family all the best!ChiefFamilyOfficerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03056844077936226008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-15312654749865891282009-07-08T12:42:08.496-04:002009-07-08T12:42:08.496-04:00Wow! 1500$ for groceries is a lot. The only way ...Wow! 1500$ for groceries is a lot. The only way I can imagine spending that much would be if I ate out/ordered in every day. And alcohol...Is you mom a drinker? Some people drink a bottle of wine a night. Perhaps she is buying expensive wine and racking up those grocery costs. <br /><br />I also know how hard is is growing up with parents who can't control their spending. My parents didn't use a budget. I grew up in a house my parents couldn't really afford. They took money from my grandma every month. <br /><br />They were always buying stuff they didn't need like movies, stuff on "sale", electronics, future gifts, and random junk. Yet they were failing to put away money for future renovations on their house. They have carpeting over 20 years old, torn and stained; the foundation is sagging and needs a 30,000 dollar fix. <br /><br />Today, my parents are both out of full time work. The house was paid off with my dad's retirement money but they still have property taxes of 8000 plus living expenses. <br /><br />I saw this lack of planning growing up and I see it now. I have worried about them too much. I can't do anything to help and they don't want advice (took me many years to realize they don't want advice from theie college age daughter). Many times people need to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Please don't worry yourself into an anxiety attack. I've been there, felt helpless, but there isn't much you can do. Just pledge to be there for them if they ask and teach your own children how to handle money.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-42915449344333770192009-07-07T16:44:59.375-04:002009-07-07T16:44:59.375-04:00Have you recommended powerwashing the driveway? It...Have you recommended powerwashing the driveway? It does wonders and, while it won't eliminate the cracks, it will otherwise make it look new.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-49020944266895745432009-07-05T13:30:24.170-04:002009-07-05T13:30:24.170-04:00I would encourage you and your family to meet with...I would encourage you and your family to meet with another elder care attorney who specializes in late life issues.<br /><br />Spending down one's assets is frowned upon by Medicaid, and there is a 5 year lookback period, meaning that anything spent to get assets down will be considered as assets still available.<br /><br />In contrast to that, when a Medicaid applicant has a spouse, there are limits on the assets that can be considered so as not to impoverish the other spouse who is not in need of full time care in the form of a nursing home.<br /><br />The bar for qualifying for Medicaid is insanely high, but is excepted to some degree when there is a living spouse.<br /><br />Bottom line please please please find yourself a second opinion (additionally this person should be a CPA as well as Elder Care Attorney.)finance girlhttp://financialfitness.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-16812146963998477512009-07-05T12:31:22.950-04:002009-07-05T12:31:22.950-04:00$1500/month for groceries comes to about $50 per d...$1500/month for groceries comes to about $50 per day. There's no way that she should be hitting that high of a number unless she's buying too much and then throwing things away when they go bad or letting them sit in the pantry until they expire. My mother does that-- she still buys like she has teenaged boys in the house-- but even she doesn't do it to such a high degree.<br /><br />If you're looking for creative solutions, would having groceries delivered be an option? Maybe filling out a delivery form and seeing the total as she's doing it would push her to buy less. If she fills out the form at home, she could also check her refrigerator/pantry and avoid buying things she already has on hand. Plus she won't be able to see the impulse items on the shelves, so there's less of an opportunity to be impulsive. Normally I wouldn't think of having groceries delivered as a cost-savings technique... but in her case, the reduction in spending might more than offset the delivery surcharge.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-63994675083892831572009-07-04T13:41:15.312-04:002009-07-04T13:41:15.312-04:00That grocery bill for two does seem out of control...That grocery bill for two does seem out of control - does your father need specialized dietary items because of his illness?<br /><br />If not, it does sound like impulse purchase may be to blame...since she would probably change her habits if you went shopping with her, you wouldn't get a chance to see what she's buying. Perhaps you could have her save her receipts so you can eliminate the waste or set her up for grocery delivery service to keep her out of the store and avoiding these impulse purchases. <br /><br />It sounds like a very difficult situation, I know my parents would not be happy if I tried to get involved with their finances - it does sound like you need to do it, but I can see how difficult it must be emotionally. Good luck - I hope she starts to take your advice!negative_net_worthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16786484601155926990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-75749438998610781142009-07-03T22:19:49.886-04:002009-07-03T22:19:49.886-04:00Sorry you're going through this. My parents t...Sorry you're going through this. My parents tend to be on the secretive, obstinate side, so the fact that your folks even shared their budget/spending with you at all is encouraging. But ultimately it's their money and their lives, so like other commenters said you'll have to step back and let them deal with the consequences. (Which I know is tough when you want what's best for people you love, and they're clearly going in the wrong direction!)Moneyapolishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10473517301689358353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-4465305684696297112009-07-03T13:12:39.975-04:002009-07-03T13:12:39.975-04:00Hi Madame X,
Having gone through the whole weedin...Hi Madame X,<br /><br />Having gone through the whole weeding through my parents finances and having the budget talk with them - I know a little of what you are going through.<br /><br />Like you, I thought my parents had taken in everything I had said and embraced a new financial reality after our long weekend of spreadsheets and heart-to-heart financial reality discussions - but alas, it did not take as well as I had hoped.<br /><br />It was not a failure either - they have cut down a lot of the stupid spending and have even found small ways to bring in a bit of income here and there. But they are still spending down their assets at too high of a rate for my comfort.<br /><br />But a couple of years after the big financial talk weekend, I can't really see how to fix this for them. Sometimes you have to step back and let the inevitable just happen. <br /><br />Hopefully you and your sister have talked about what might happen after your Father is gone and your Mother is unable to support herself with her current lifestyle. You might want to start putting her name on any and all low-income housing lists near you and/or your sister. It can take years of your name being on such a list before a unit opens up - so putting her name on them now would be wise. If that does not pan out and neither your sister nor you can picture your Mother living in your homes - what about planning to sell the current home and purchasing a two or three family in a different area with the money? She could live in a unit and get some income flowing in - plus she could turn her home improvement energy into some tax write-offs for the rental income...<br /><br />Not sure that there really is an answer here - but you do have my heart felt sympathy for both your Father's illness and your parents financial situation.Boston Galhttp://www.bostongals.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-84956972617518428842009-07-03T07:51:00.628-04:002009-07-03T07:51:00.628-04:00I had to re-read that figure for groceries, as wel...I had to re-read that figure for groceries, as well. $1500 per month leads to some serious head-scratching, as that is a monstrous figure for two people. What exactly is she buying at the grocery store? I wonder if she is thinking that becoming eligible for Medicare insurance will cover all of their living expenses, or something? Good luck with this, it's got to be frustrating beyond belief...<br />Jerry<br />www.leads4insurance.comJerryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02297947643006068426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-25822934427859669372009-07-03T00:19:24.593-04:002009-07-03T00:19:24.593-04:00$1500 for two people for groceries? Maybe you shou...$1500 for two people for groceries? Maybe you should go shopping with your mom and actually watch her as she makes her decisions. It could be that she is stocking up on things she doesn't need and gives them away later without taking a charitable donation deduction, etc.<br /><br />I sympathize with you and having to talk to your mom about her spending. There's been a moment here and there in life when I've smacked myself in the forehead after my mother's told me of some insaniac financial transaction she did with our family business or with her retirement.<br /><br />Good luck. I know it's frustrating and it sounds like Sweetie is a good person you can share it with.mapgirlhttp://www.mapgirl.net/mfcnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-40268651532411872352009-07-02T23:02:59.791-04:002009-07-02T23:02:59.791-04:00DH is getting ready to have the same conversation ...DH is getting ready to have the same conversation with his mom, not because she is overspending, but because of the drain that his sister and her 2 kids are having on his mom's finances. Long story, but bottom line is that mom can no longer support all 4, but yet can't say no when asked for a handout. He's hoping that the budget and conversation will have an impact on them, but he's also making it clear that he is there to support them emotionally, but not there to bail them out. If his mom chooses to continue to give handouts, then we have to walk away. It's really hard, very emotionally draining for us, but I'm proud of him for doing the right thing for all involved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-69280216726335177232009-07-02T22:21:26.859-04:002009-07-02T22:21:26.859-04:00kinda have the same situation with my mom and dad....kinda have the same situation with my mom and dad. i always tell them to put the brakes on the spending and they end up being upset with me and telling me to 'leave them alone. they're not stupid.' it's very difficult because as their child, i want to help them with budgetting but if they don't want to listen, there's nothing i can do...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-28396606828234086682009-07-02T20:39:22.693-04:002009-07-02T20:39:22.693-04:00In a true Darwinian financial world it be mom who ...In a true Darwinian financial world it be mom who was sick and dad healthy. Oh well...<br /><br />Personally, I would write my inheritance off and let mom sink into the sunset. She has shown repeatedly she does not want your help. I'd begin distancing myself from the car wreck speeding down the highway; otherwise, your mom will take you with her: both emotionally and financially.<br /><br />Harsh, but there it is IMHO.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14245531.post-15267303890286429772009-07-02T20:26:20.085-04:002009-07-02T20:26:20.085-04:00You need to figure out what's going on with th...You need to figure out what's going on with that grocery bill. If it's all on the up-and-up, then food must be getting thrown out or given away or something at an extremely high rate.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com