One of My Readers Wants to Marry You

Well sort of!

Many of you will recognize the name SandyVoice as a regular commenter on this site, who was also profiled in one of my New York Stories. SandyVoice is trying to develop her business as a marriage officiant, and knowing what a great community of helpful commenters we have here, she's asked for your feedback. Please pitch in if you can, either in the comments or by emailing me at openwallet1 [at] yahoo [dot] com. I'll forward all responses to SandyVoice.

Performing weddings is the best part of my job! I'm a cantor, so of course I do a lot of Jewish weddings, but I also officiate and co-officiate at interfaith weddings, civil ceremonies, recommitment ceremonies, commitment ceremonies, same sex marriages where they are legal, and so on. I'm licensed in New York, which lets me perform weddings in most states.

I'd like to do more weddings to supplement my current income, and intend to turn officiating into a full-time career when I retire. Can you folks help me do a little market research? I would be very grateful for your answers.

IF YOU WERE MARRIED WITHIN THE LAST FIVE OR SIX YEARS ...
How did you find your officiant?
If you did an online search, what keywords did you use, and what did you think of the websites you found?
Did the websites provide helpful information, and did they help you pick an officiant?
When you interviewed officiants, what characteristics and information were you looking for?
What questions did you ask? What questions did you miss, but would advise others to ask?
Did your officiant offer any special services that helped you decide to hire him or her?
Did you write your own ceremony, use one provided by the officiant, or develop a script together?
Can you share any other thoughts about your experience of finding and working with your officiant?

Thanks to all for being so helpful! I can't wait to read your answers!
Thanks to Madame X for letting me hijack her blog for a day!
And, of course, if anyone here is getting married, and needs an officiant ... ;-)
Regards from SandyVoice

More on Overheard

Some interesting comments on the post "Overheard About Money." I deliberately posted the quote without any editorial context, partly because I wasn't quite sure what to make of the remark myself, and partly just to see how everyone would take it.
First of all, I was interested to see that several commenters assumed the speaker was male, while several others assumed it was a female. I guess the goals of having a house, a car, and looking good were not seen as being overwhelmingly favored by one sex or another, though many people might think women are the ones who spend the most on "looking good." The car rental clerk was, in fact, a young woman.
Some people read the quote as being that of someone who is willing to work hard:

At least she is working to get the things she wants out of life instead of mooching off everyone else.

I don't think the comment is bad, in fact it can be indicative of this person's work ethic.

Other people felt it was sad that the person was so materialistic:

Working so hard just to look good? Who wants to leave behind a beautiful, young corpse?

I really do have a different philosphy. I will cut back on my lifestyle to be able to support myself while maintaining sanity and a balanced life.

Ultimately, I think most commenters felt that while they didn't agree with the person's priorities, there was something to be admired about her attitude, which was that she would work as much as she needed to in order to get the things she wanted, rather than just saying "I want this and that" without worrying about how to pay for it. If your wants are in line with your ability and willingness to pay for them, that is half the battle!

A REAL Voicemail! And a Facebook Group?

Here's my first voicemail from a reader (not counting that lame throat-clearing one).



What a nice message, and she even set up a Facebook group for fans of this site! I looked for it on Facebook but couldn't find it, so anonymous caller, if you're reading this, let us know if it's really there and how to join! Thanks for calling!

Links and Letters: A Few Tidbits Sent in By Readers

I'm catching up, rather belatedly, on some nice emails from readers:

Gretchen at The Happiness Project has written an interesting article about the relationship between money and happiness-- it's well worth reading.

And Molly sent a link to another NY Times story I enjoyed this week, about some young New Yorkers who are trying to "stay afloat" in the big city-- literally, by living on a houseboat for $800 a month!

This isn't a link, but I wanted to quote from an email I got from a reader named Mara. She doesn't live in NYC but has been visiting a lot:

I still feel a bit embarrassed when I go to visit -- I'm not into fashion, shopping, or other signs of conspicuous consumption -- but every time I go, I see a little more of
the diversity of the city. Not every woman is carrying a designer handbag and wearing all kinds of bling. There are a lot of cute, regular people just walking or taking the subway from one place to another, going about their lives. It's inspiring to read about other women who are thriving in such an interesting, complex city under such competitive conditions! Thank you so much for sharing their stories.

Mara is right-- NYC can sometimes seem daunting, as if it's populated only by rich, beautiful people who all wear the latest fashions. But like anywhere else, there are plenty of "normal" people here who are just trying to make ends meet and have a little fun-- it's good to remember that !

I'd also like to very belatedly thank a reader named Adina for sending me a link to a YouTube video about getting out of debt. Unfortunately it had been taken down by the time I tried to watch it! But the other nice thing about Adina's message was the quote in her email signature:

"I think you should learn, of course, and some days you must learn a great deal. But you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches everything. And you can feel it inside you. If you never take time out to let that happen, then you just accumulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside of you. You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything with them. It's hollow."
-- E. L. Konigsburg

This is wise advice and of course I thought about how it might relate to money in particular-- it doesn't do any good to accumulate information about finance if you don't stop to assess your own assets and how you're using them, and likewise, you can't just keep earning and saving and storing up money without stopping to think about why you value it, and to let yourself enjoy some of it.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to leave comments and email me their thoughts and questions and stories. (I'm still accepting submissions for the New York Stories series, by the way! Since people seem to really be enjoying it, I think I'll just continue with it as a regular feature.) Have a good weekend, everyone!

Calling All New Yorkers

One of my favorite things about blogging is when I get comments that include details about the lives of my readers. "Okay I'm Asking" led to a lot of interesting mini-profiles of readers across the country and around the world in terms of how much they earn and how. But since this is a New York-based blog, I thought it would be interesting to invite some of my local readers to share more of their stories.
New York City can be a tough place to make ends meet: it's expensive, it's a hotbed of low-paying, semi-glamorous jobs in media and entertainment, and you've got all those Wall Streeters who make keeping up with the Joneses a deadly pursuit! I write this blog and tell my own story about how I negotiate this environment, but I'd love to be able to highlight some different perspectives.
So here's the invitation: if you are a reader of this blog who lives in the New York metro area, send me an email! (to openwallet1__replace w/ the usual "at" symbol__yahoo.com) Tell me a little bit about where you live, what you do, how much you make, what you spend money on, and how you feel living in New York has affected your personal finances. I may write back and ask you some follow-up questions to turn it into a mini-interview, or I may just post the stories as they are. (Of course I will not publish your email address or name unless there is an alias you'd like to use.) I will try to post as many responses as I can, as an ongoing series of posts if needed, but I can't promise everyone's story will be published, depending on the volume of submissions and to try to present a diverse selection of viewpoints. I'm hoping some regular blog-less commenters like BronxChica and SandyVoice will step up, as well as many others out there who may just be lurking! Talk to me, neighbors!

Okay, I'm Asking!

Lots of great comments on my last post, When Is It Okay to Ask?

A couple of the commenters volunteered to share their own salaries, with a bit of contextual info:

I'm 37 and married. I make $97k as a sofware test engineer. Living in San Francisco bay area.

I am a 26 year old, engaged homeowner. I live in Auckland, New Zealand working as a Research and Development chemist earning $55,000. (I assume that is in NZ dollars-Madame X)

I've written about my salary here before-- I'm in my late 30s, working in publishing in New York City, and my total income this year will be approximately $100,000 including salary and bonus.

So that is 3 of us... now everybody else, bring it on! Feel free to comment anonymously, but let's hear how much you earn and a little bit about who you are, where you live, and how you earn it.

More on Saving for a Home: A Reader's Story

A reader named Sandyvoice left this comment on my last post about saving for a home, and I thought it was an inspiring story worth calling out:

It was great to read the Times article this week, and your story over the past couple of years, and to feel like I'm not alone. I'm a musician, and don't make anything like as much money as you, Madame X, but my process was the same, just very streched out. I lived in a 250 sq. ft. studio apartment for 25 years minus 10 days. It was in a great neighborhood, but it was very cheap because I was there so long. There were some very bad times; a couple of years I made only 15% over the poverty level. But as soon as I got into a halfway stable financial situation, so that I was making even $10 more than I needed to spend, I started saving. If I didn't have anything extra at all, I'd eat Kraft mac and cheese for a few days, or try to walk home from a gig, so I could save $1 that week. (This was before discount metrocards.) Eight years ago, at the age of 47, I finally put a binder down on an apartment 3 1/2 times the size of my old one in an emerging neighborhood I love. I admit I got some help from my parents toward the downpayment, but I'm paying them back, and from then on I've paid every penny myself. It's a fixer-upper, and I figure it'll be fixed-up by the time I retire, but it's MINE. Hard work, but worth it.

Thanks Sandyvoice, and congratulations on achieving your goal after so patiently working toward it for all those years!