An Apology from Telemarketers... with a Bonus

I received the letter below a week or so after a phone call I vaguely remembered, where I politely hung up on a telemarketer, telling them I did not want to participate in their survey:


And yes, that is a real dollar bill they sent me. I was happy to get the dollar, and I guess it's a nice gesture, but what I really want is for them to stop calling me, which hasn't happened!

Fancypants Lawyers

Literally! Here's a nice light-hearted topic for a change:

Women lawyers at City firm Clifford Chance have been given a £90 lingerie allowance. How should they spend it?

Women lawyers at top [London] City firm Clifford Chance are bucking the trend for reduced expenses now that their £90 lingerie-and-blouse allowance, if they work later than 11pm, has been reinstated. Inevitably dubbed the "90 nicker knicker allowance", this may or may not be the most reliable indicator yet that the credit crunch is over.

Now that is a fascinating benefit I've never heard of any other company offering. At current exchange rates, £90, aka 90 nickers, is about $144, which should suffice to buy some very pretty panties. But what about men? Do they get to expense their undies if they work late too?

Overdue Library Books

I was quite impressed that a two-week amnesty period actually got people to return all these library books. I would have thought laziness was a much bigger factor than racking up fees, especially since the average fee due per book was less than $2.

The San Francisco Public Library received back nearly 30,000 overdue books during a two-week amnesty period last month, the library announced Thursday.

The library estimated the total value of the 29,228 returned books at $730,000.

One of the oldest books returned was a 1947 copy of George Bernard Shaw's "Man and Superman." It had a due date of Jan. 29, 1964 and was borrowed from the Presidio Branch Library.

The returnees saved themselves a total of $55,165 in overdue fees, the library reported. Along with the returned books, they were also asked to submit "excuses" for their lateness.

One apologetic library patron, known only as "Antonio," blamed his tardiness on a two-month abduction by aliens, the library said.

Read more here.

Big Money

I just found this image on my cellphone, which I took months ago and forgot about. I never actually went into the store to see how much a gigantic dollar bill would cost!

What Ever Happened to Hobos?

Ok, this is totally random, but the other day I was thinking about how I dressed up as a hobo for Halloween when I was a kid. I wore a tweed cap, an old blazer of my dad's which I think I was allowed to tear up a little, and his old, raggedy boots. I also smeared eye shadow on my face to look like beard stubble, and carried a bandanna on a stick, which I used to stash the candy I collected. If you look at the Wikipedia entry for hobo, you'll see exactly the look I was going for. Except I also wore a pair of large plastic ears, I guess just to increase the pathos!

Now, a hobo is not exactly just a poor, homeless person. The term has slightly more romantic connotations, as hobos were known for riding railroad cars all over the country, and they had all these cool slang words and code symbols to help each other out. But still... hobos are poor and homeless.

So do kids still think it's fun to play hobo, or to dress up as one on Halloween? But certainly no kid ever says "hey, I think I'll be a grungy homeless person for Halloween," right? Nowadays it seems like they all want to be something far more glamorous, and the life of a poor, itinerant person is no longer romanticized. But I don't have kids, so I may be wrong... what do you think?

A Vision of the Future

I really enjoyed this post at Accidental Mysteries: Science Writer in 1950 Predicts the Year 2000. A 1950 article from Popular Mechanics is annotated with whether or not the predictions were accurate. A few of them were rather prescient, such as

This expansion of the frozen-food industry and the changing gastronomic habits of the nation have made it necessary to install in every home the electronic industrial stove which came out of World War II. Yes (the microwave).

But some are a bit far-fetched:

• Tottenville is illuminated by electric “suns” suspended from arms on steel towers 200 feet high. NOT!

• The Dobsons use the family helicopter, which is kept on the roof. NOT!

• Discarded paper table “linen” and rayon underwear are bought by chemical factories to be converted into candy. NOT!! NOT!! NOT!!

And of course I found a few things that touch on the original writer's idea of the economy of the 21st century:

• By 2000, wood, brick and stone are ruled out because they are too expensive. NOT!

• Houses are cheap. NOT!

• With all its furnishings, Joe Dobson paid only $5000 for [his house]. Though it is galeproof and weatherproof, it is built to last only about 25 years. NOT!

• Two-dozen soluble plastic plates cost a dollar. They dissolve at about 250 degrees Fahrenheit, so that boiling-hot soup and stews can be served in them without inviting a catastrophe. The plastics are derived from such inexpensive raw materials as cottonseed hulls, oat hulls, Jerusalem artichokes, fruit pits, soybeans, bagasse, straw and wood pulp. Not, but I like the idea. Not plastic plates, but environmentally friendly plates made of natural stuff.

• Corporation presidents, bankers, ambassadors and rich people in a hurry use the 1000-mile-an-hour rocket planes and think nothing of paying a fare of $5000 between Chicago and Paris. Yes, in the year 2000 a ticket on the Concorde cost over $8,000.

• It takes no more than a minute to transmit and receive in facsimile a five-page letter on paper of the usual business size. Cost? Five cents. Yes.

Be sure to click through and look at the original article and its illustrations-- the hose-down housecleaning of the future is hilarious!

Found Money... and a Seat on the Subway!

This is the weirdest way I've ever picked up change: the other day, I got on a crowded subway car. I saw one empty seat but quickly realized it was being shunned because someone had spilled coffee on it. Then I saw another empty seat-- that one was being shunned too, apparently for no other reason than that someone had left 4 pennies on it! In the split second it took me to snag the seat, my brain somehow decided that I should just sit on the money rather than picking it up first! But at the end of my ride, I remembered to grab them out from under me.

I guess you could call that a bum deal...

Where Did It All Go? Here's One Answer...

I got a kick out of this story: Paul Greenwood is the Town Supervisor of wealthy, horsy North Salem, NY. He is also a partner at Westridge Capital Management, where he is accused of bilking investors of $553 million. According to the 2/28-3/1 Wall Street Journal weekend edition, "prosecutors allege that client money was used for horses, homes, collectible teddy bears and other luxuries."

What next, will we find out that Bernie Madoff spent his ill-gotten gains on Cabbage Patch Kids? Did Allen Stanford's Ponzi scheme fund a Beanie Baby binge?

Bizarre...

Where's the Pot of Gold?

Yesterday as I walked to the subway, I saw a rainbow-- a fairly unusual sight for Brooklyn in February! Strangely enough, the end of the rainbow looked like it was pointing to lower Manhattan...

How About Keeping Your Money ON TOP of Your Mattress?

What do you think of this little home accessory? It's a pillow, in case you weren't sure:


Actually I think it's more "not" than "hot." I'm afraid I'll be spending my decorating budget elsewhere!

(Courtesy of Apartment Therapy)

Financial Adviser Tries to Fake His Own Death

Another story of what sounds like a desperate sleaze bag, trying to escape his comeuppance...

A financial adviser from Indiana disappeared into the Alabama woods early Monday after faking a distress call and parachuting from a small plane that crashed in Florida.

The police in three states were looking for the pilot, identified as Marcus Schrenker, 38.

No one was hurt in the crash. According to the police in Santa Rosa County in the Florida Panhandle, where the plane went down, Mr. Schrenker turned up safely about 220 miles north of there. And there is evidence that Mr. Schrenker was an experienced pilot who might have been trying to fake his own death.

His life seemed to be unraveling. Court records show that Mr. Schrenker’s wife filed for divorce on Dec. 30. A Maryland court recently issued a judgment of more than $500,000 against one of three Indiana companies registered in his name — and all three are being investigated for securities fraud by the Indiana Secretary of State’s Office, a spokesman, Jim Gavin, said.

Here's the link to the rest of the New York Times story.

After reading this, don't forget to tell me how much money you make in the comments on the next post!

Money Neurosis of the Week

Is this weird? When I use cash to buy something in a deli or supermarket and the change is only one or two pennies, I always have this weird moment of self-consciousness if I already have my bag in hand and am just standing there waiting for my one or two cents of change. I wonder if the cashier thinks, "oh please, why are you waiting for this one stupid penny." I mean, a lot of people probably just walk away, right? Sometimes I think the cashier hesitates, because they assume I won't wait for the penny-- that extra delay makes it even more embarrassing to wait! Often there is this consciousness of the likely class/income difference between me and this cashier-- this is probably one-sided most of the time as I don't tend to be walking around in clothing or jewelry that screams "earns $100k" vs "earns $20k," but maybe sometimes they'd look at me and think "this lady probably earns a lot more money than me, why is she wasting her time waiting for a penny? I'd be outta here by now!" But then I tell myself there is no reason to be embarrassed, it's my hard-earned penny and there is no reason to walk away from it. If I want to donate it to someone, it shouldn't be to a for-profit retail business! And if I'm willing to pick coins up on the street, why wouldn't I take one from a relatively clean cash register drawer? And on and on... I can't seem to avoid thinking about it! Sometimes I wish my brain had a mute button...

What Does Your iPhone Say About Your Wealth?

From today's New York Times:

Many Fail to See the Humor in ‘I Am Rich’ for the iPhone

Last week, an application turned the iPhone into a megaphone to proclaim: “I Am Rich.” That is the name of a downloadable program that promised to do nothing except signal to the world that its buyer was wealthy enough to have spent $1,000 to download an image of a multifaceted ruby.

Created by a German software developer, Armin Heinrich, it was written pretty much as a joke. “I found that some users complain about prices for iPhone applications above 99 cents,” Mr. Heinrich said. “I regard it as art. I did not expect many people to buy it and did not expect all the fuss about it.”

I thought this was quite amusing. Plenty of people spend lots more than $1,000 for things that have no real purpose other than to signify wealth-- this guy just boiled that down to its essence!

"Weird Money" Link of the Week

Brothel Offers Free Gas to Customers @ FiveCentNickel

People must be really hard up... ;)

Bridesmaids on eBay???

Here's the weirdest money story of the week, from yesterday's New York Times:

Bride-to-Be Takes a Chance on eBay for a Bidding Bridesmaid

Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, as any woman who has been fitted for a dress she did not pick out, or spent hundreds of dollars for a plane ticket, can attest. But, then again, most bridesmaids know the bride.

Then, there is Kelly Gray and her fifth bridesmaid.

Ms. Gray, a Virginia Beach hairdresser, auctioned off the chance to be a bridesmaid in her April 2009 wedding on eBay. The winning bid on Wednesday was $5,700.

Today, the story got even weirder:

On eBay, Bride Finds Sponsor for a Wedding

The eBay auction to be a bridesmaid in Kelly Gray’s wedding is officially over, but the surprises keep coming.

The winning bid of $5,700 was by the Dr Pepper Snapple Group.

“We heard about the contest and thought it was an amazing thing she came up with,” said Nick Rangone, a spokesman for the beverage company who introduced himself to Ms. Gray on the phone as “Nick from New Jersey.”

Initially shocked that a beverage company had won the right to march down the aisle with her, Ms. Gray, 23, a Virginia Beach hairdresser, received another surprise when the company decided to give her $10,000, rather than the $5,700 it had bid.

How will the blushing bride be spending the money?

Ms. Gray said her wedding to Karl Gau would still be a simple affair.

“I don’t want it to be extravagant, but now I can get that wonderful D.J. who has the lights; I can do that,” she said. “Now I’m thinking of a honeymoon.”

Maybe she'll get to serve free Dr. Pepper at the reception too.

It's funny-- I enjoyed being a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding, but like many other women, I would be more likely to pay someone NOT to have to be a bridesmaid at her wedding! (Unless, of course, the happy couple meets through my Money Match personal ads!)

Lifestyles of the Rich and Goofy

I hope everyone reads today's obituary of the 97-year-old Huntington Hartford, an heir to the A&P fortune who blew most of his money on assorted dreamy schemes... here's a few excerpts:

Mr. Hartford, a grandson of a principal founder of the Great Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company, was treated like a prince as a boy, indulged by his mother and a staff of servants and eventually provided with a living of about $1.5 million a year. Not content merely to be rich, he longed to be a writer and, more than that, an arbiter of culture and a master builder — ambitions that eluded him time after time.

A famous example was the Huntington Hartford Museum, also known as the Gallery of Modern Art, at 2 Columbus Circle in Manhattan. Mr. Hartford opened it in 1964 as a showcase for 19th- and 20th-century work that went against the prevailing current of Abstract Expressionism, which he detested. The building, designed by Edward Durell Stone, was considered a folly or worse: “a die-cut Venetian palazzo on lollipops,” wrote Ada Louise Huxtable, then the architecture critic of The New York Times....

The art within was generally unremarkable. And far from becoming the self-sustaining museum that Mr. Hartford had envisioned, it cost him $7.4 million before he abandoned the building to a rocky fate....

Costlier still was Mr. Hartford’s makeover of Hog Island, in the Bahamas. After buying four-fifths of the place in 1959 and having it renamed Paradise Island, he set about developing a resort with the construction of the Ocean Club and other amenities. Advisers persuaded him to stop short of exotic attractions like chariot races, but, overextended and unable to get a gambling license, he wound up losing an estimated $25 million to $30 million.

There were many lesser ventures that either bombed or fizzled, among them an automated parking garage in Manhattan, a handwriting institute, a modeling agency and his own disastrous stage adaptation of “Jane Eyre.” He inherited an estimated $90 million and lost an estimated $80 million of it.

The guy just couldn't catch a break:

Huntington went to Harvard, studying English literature and graduating in 1934. He went to work for his uncles at the company’s headquarters, then housed in the Graybar Building next to Grand Central Terminal, where his job was to keep track of sales of bread and pound cake. But he was often absent. In 1934 he defiantly took a day off to attend the Harvard-Yale football game. That ended his career in the family business. Yale won, 14-0.

In 1940, Mr. Hartford tried being a reporter for the New York newspaper PM, after putting up $100,000 to help get the paper started. If nothing else, the experience produced one of the all-time great excuses for missing deadline: he once sailed his yacht to cover an assignment on Long Island, and upon returning to the city could find no place to tie up and come ashore with the story.

With the start of World War II, he donated the yacht to the Coast Guard. In return he was given the command of a modest supply ship in the Pacific. He ran it aground twice — once, he said later, because his navigational charts were out of date, the other time because “I mistook feet for fathoms.”

And then there is the ending to the obit, which I found by turns bizarre, annoying, and poignant:

In 1974 Mr. Hartford married Elaine Kay, a former hairdresser more than 40 years his junior. They, too, were divorced, in 1981, but continued to live together in Mr. Hartford’s 20-room duplex apartment at 1 Beekman Place in Manhattan. In 1984, Ms. Kay and a friend were arrested and charged with tying up a teenage secretary to Mr. Hartford and shaving her head. The directors of the building voted for eviction.

Mr. Hartford moved to a townhouse on East 30th Street but subsequently lost it when he declared bankruptcy, even though he was still the beneficiary of a trust fund yielding more than $500,000 a year. He moved to the Bahamas in 2004.

“I have tried to use my millions creatively,” Mr. Hartford wrote in one of the early issues of his magazine Show. But, he added, “The golden bird, coming to life, has sometimes wriggled out of my hand and flown away.”

Good, Clean, Money-Saving Fun

I had dinner the other night at Joya, a Thai restaurant in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. I've written before about its sister restaurant in Park Slope, called Song. Both places seem to have found a recipe for success in offering a hip atmosphere and really low prices-- they always seem to be jam-packed with a diverse crowd, people of every age, race, class, and orientation all chowing down on generously sized $7-8 entrees.

After enjoying some veggie dumplings, chicken masaman curry and a shrimp/portobello mushroom special, with a couple of drinks, all coming to about $50 for two people, I decided to stop in the bathroom on the way out. While I was, ahem, seated, I looked down and noticed a shiny quarter on the floor! As longtime readers will know, I love finding money and will stop and pick up a coin of almost any amount. A quarter is especially exciting, as it can be used for laundry.

But this quarter was on the floor in a bathroom. The bathrooms at Joya seem quite clean as New York restaurant bathrooms go, but the quarter was on the bathroom floor in a slightly puddly looking area, which was kind of sort of really near the toilet. This gave me pause. I stood there for a minute and thought, "should I just give up on this quarter? Is that too gross?" It also occurred to me that this might be one of those jokes where the quarter is super-glued to the floor and if I try to get it I'll end up on Candid Camera or YouTube as the crazy girl who's willing to scrape a quarter off a dirty bathroom floor.

But the intrepid penny pinching Madame X came through and I told myself, "@#(*&$ it, I want that quarter!" I turned on the water in the sink. I put some soap on my hands. I bent down to grab the quarter. This attempt at germ-busting then resulted in some comical slippery fumbling with the quarter (which perhaps you've already seen on YouTube, but god I hope not...). But I eventually got the quarter to the sink where I washed it and my hands thoroughly with more soap. I then dried off my prize and took it home in my coat pocket.

Yes, it's possible that this quarter might still have been crawling with nasty bacteria but I didn't hang onto it for long-- the next morning I ended up giving it to a friend to use in a parking meter.

And yes, this is how far I'll go for 25 cents. I think it's a good exercise, actually, in adjusting one's financial attitude. Picking up a coin reminds me that the little things matter, and that I don't take financial issues lightly. It reminds me that money is money, and no honest way of acquiring it should be considered beneath one's dignity. But really, if you see me on YouTube, please don't forward it to all your friends.

Today's Weirdest News

This was my favorite money-related story from today's New York Times:

Corpse Wheeled to Check-Cashing Store Leads to 2 Arrests

Even for the once-notorious Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood, it may have been a first: Two men were arrested on Tuesday after pushing a corpse, seated in an office chair, along the sidewalk to a check-cashing store to cash the dead man’s Social Security check, the police said.

When Virgilio Cintron, 66, died at his apartment at 436 West 52nd Street recently, his roommate and a friend saw an opportunity to cash his $355 check, the police said.

They did not go about it the easy way, the police said, choosing a ruse that resembled the plot of “Weekend at Bernie’s,” a film about two young men who prop up their dead employer to pretend that he is alive.

“Hell’s Kitchen has a rich history,” said Paul J. Browne, a police spokesman, “but this is one for the books.”

There was no sign of foul play in Mr. Cintron’s death, he added.

Nice try, guys!

Looking for Love? Or Money?

I was talking to a friend recently about the crazy things people write in personal ads, and I thought to myself, "How many of these crazy things might have to do with money?" So here's what I found while looking at Craigslist yesterday. I think all these ads pretty much speak for themselves!


From M4W:

MILLIONAIRE $$$ NEED LOVE TOO

---

Reply to: xxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-04, 11:07AM EDT


Let me start by saying that this is NOT an ad looking to solicit someone for a Sugar Daddy or sex-for-money situation, and I apologize in advance if I offended anyone reading this...I am a very successful businessman, who is the President of a reputable and fairly known Wall St company (hence, the bull photo - lol) ..So, "why does he need to post an ad and talk about his money" you say - Well, with a work schedule of about 70-80 hours a week, I would like to spend my free time with a quality woman who can enjoy the "benefits" of my success. Also, the women I attract are usually attracted to motivated, goal-oriented men who are happy with what they have and confident in their abilities.

I can assure you that you will be quite pleased with the whole package, tall, fit, athletic and handsome with All-American look of light brown hair/blue eyes..More importantly, I am sincere, generous and intelligent, wrapped into a sarcastic wit (that might not always translate well over IM or email, so we will need to meet in person for me to officially piss you off - lol) and a passive Type A personality.

I am looking for a woman who can stimulate me both mentally and physically. To the latter, she should be over 5'4 (since I am 6'2) and very fit with curves in the right places. Inside, I am looking for someone who is confident without being arrogant or jaded, has an equal sense of wit, and is down to earth and knows what she wants and how to get it. My age is 37, but I am willing to meet someone from 20-35, as long as there is a mental connection. Finally, please be willing to EXCHANGE photos (you will get my IMMEDIATE attention if you reply back with one or two), since we respect each others time, and both know that there needs to be an initial amount of physical attraction to make it worthwhile to meet. If you think you might be what I am looking for, I look forward to the opportunity to treat you like a Princess, and make each day we're together like a holiday

TALL FIT HANDSOME CREATIVE AND.....AFFLUENT !!! - 41

---

Reply to: xxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-04, 11:18AM EDT


I am a Venture-Capitalist-exmusician with advanced degrees, 6’4”, 195 lbs., very dark brown hair, very dark brown eyes, ruggedly handsome. More about me: I climb, A guy who travels a lot - but not only to resorts and magic kingdoms!!! A man who, at a moments notice, will wisk you off to a tropical paradise where we would frolick in grass huts and the clearest blue seas, but then will get you back in time for the opening of the ballet season.
A man who actually hikes, bikes, swims, dives, surfs, sails, can set a tent and knows which direction kayak goes. And is efficient, competent, confident, smart. A man who looks good in a boardroom or restaurant wearing a suit, but even better camping in the wilderness. Assertive buy NOT a macho guy, not the pushy style. A guy who is intelligent, educated, wise enough. Adventurous but not a beach bum. Absolutely NOT the -sit in front of TV and drink beer kind of guy. Fit and athletic not by just watching sports, have been in the martial arts for many years.. Financially stable (I am intelligent so of course) but not snobbish.
I have passions, vision . As I like to think I am a truly well rounded man, I want a woman that has varied interests and experience as well the same passion for life that I have.

P.S. Please send that photo and something about you and I will reciprocate

• Location: NYC

From W4W:

$$$$SUGAR MAMA WANTED$$$$$$$$$

---

Reply to: xxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-04, 8:57AM EDT


Hello Ladies,

l seeking an gainfuly employment woman, or financial secure one to help me financially.Your age and nationality is irrelavant to me.
You must be, outgoing, enjoys, bars, club, like to playing bowling
enjoys museum, arts, film, dinner.
About me: l am presentable, college educated, smart, can hold a conversation.
drama free.
Please ladies l'm not interesting to hear about your exlover, you must be single and unattached.
Please reply with your pix, and you get mine.

Good Luck!!!!!!

• Location: MOON.

From W4M:

Looking for Benefactor - 24

---

Reply to:xxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-04, 10:43AM EDT


Young, petite. cute looking and nice foreigner but totally broked is looking for "only"
financial aid due my bills, rent..What I am seeking is drama free, hopefully out going relation with a man who is relatively good looking (no more than 40 yrs old), intelligent, sane upon each others attraction.
I'll respond only serious "offers".

• Location: Manhattan, Queens

mixed tomboy seeks investment banker... - 24 (Downtown)

---

Reply to: xxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-04, 3:06AM EDT


i totally dig all the numbers you work with. i dated an investment banker before, and he was so intriguing. not only that, he spoiled me to pieces.

im almost done with school myself and was looking around. dating a man with any other profession just seems like a waste of time. im way smarter than the average girl my age...

i dont want a relationship. dont have the time or energy.

let me know what you think...

From M4M:

looking for generous this morning - 29 (Harlem / Morningside)

---

Reply to: xxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-04, 7:35AM EDT


I'm looking for a generous guy to help me this morning...it will be worth your while..Even if you typically don't have to pay, it would be much appreciated and very hot. I need to make $300 for rent....
I'm 29, white, 6', 170, ....,bi, moderately hairy.
I have limited experience with guys....
I'm near Columbia. Can host or travel to you in Manhattan
I have pics.

From Misc Romance:

Can you help this girl in need???? (Upper West Side)

---

Reply to: xxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-03, 11:41PM EDT


Hi there,

I am looking for someone to help me with a loan by tomorrow (Tuesday). I will pay high interest if you can help me out. Please email me back asap with your terms.

Thanks

Looking for sexy chick for $hopping - m4w - 35

---

Reply to: xxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-02, 11:31PM EDT


I am a cute guy who loves buying things for girls.I'm looking for a sexy girl whom I can take shopping on the weekends.This could lead to an ongoing thing.If your interested let me know and give me some idea of what you like.

And strangely enough, there was a story on the front page of today's New York Times about Craigslist being used more and more to promote the services of prostitutes!

Grossest Money-Saving Idea Ever

StyleyGeek left this comment on my first NZ vacation post:

I just wanted to comment on the swimming pool: NZ swimming pools might be cheap, but they have a bit of an "ick" factor. Lately Christchurch in particular has been having trouble with kids pooing in the pool: several times a day, in fact (apparently they do it because if the pool has to be closed for sanitation, they get a refund on their entry fee). I was just reading about it in one of the local papers. It's put me off going there for life!

Yuck! The pool I went to in Christchurch had crystal clear clean water, and fortunately, there were separate pools for kids and adult lap swimming. I wonder if they would have to close them both down...

But maybe I'll try pooping in the pool at my gym, to see if I can get a partial refund on my membership... there's one answer to the question "How do you know you've taken frugality too far?"