Saturday, February 11, 2006

My Nutty New Business: The Bagel-Buttering Blogger

Some interesting comments on the peanut butter post: Caitlin points out that they must be charging 10 cents for butter. And Adam observes that the customers at that deli are obviously willing to fork over big bucks for peanut butter. So what if I tried to get in on this action? What if I stood outside that deli with a jar of Jif and a stick of butter-- or, better yet, since this is NYC and we like to be offered a plethora of gourmet options, a selection of natural, low-sugar, no-salt, etc. etc. peanut butters, and salted, un-salted, Danish, local organic, etc. etc. butters, as well as margarine, Land O'Lakes Country Morning Blend, Benecol, I Can't Believe it's Not Bullshit, etc. etc.-type butter alternatives.
I'd have a signboard proclaiming myself the "Butter Nutter" and I would only charge 5 cents for a smear of regular butter, and only $1.50 for a smear of regular peanut butter, which would undercut my nearby competition while still allowing me a healthy profit margin even if I bought my supplies at retail. And I'd up-price the gourmet options. I'd stand out there for an hour or two in the morning, telling people to purchase their bagels wherever but to get it greased up where the greasing is good. If NYC can sustain restaurants that serve nothing but rice pudding or dumplings, surely I can make a few bucks as the Butter Nutter.
And isn't there some song with the words "hey peanut butter?" (Or did I dream that?) If so, I think I would set the whole thing up on one of those adult-size tricycles that people outfit with stereos and a lot of chrome and flags and streamers, and I'd blast that song, and I'd wear an outfit borrowed from George Clinton and pretty soon I'd be drawing business from all around the city, not just that one deli, so I'd franchise it out to anyone else who wanted to be a Butter Nutter, and set up special deals with spread-suppliers to do Butter-Nutter-branded products. I'd have placement in every supermarket, and every morning, a whole fleet of streamered, funk-blasting, adult-size tricycles would indomitably roll forth across the five boroughs... the country... the world!
I think I'm onto something here....

6 comments:

~Dawn said...

Good money comes from odd ideas! Go for it. Bet you will make more money than those apprentice folks do on TV

Don't forget to have someone take pictures ;)

Caitlin said...

Ha! I love it. Though you will need some sort of plan to protect the piece of toast on your crown from the hungry hordes -- unless that toast is really a wad of cash.

Adam said...

This is a funny idea. You know, it seems like every ordinary food staple these days goes through a period of "upscale" variety these days. Starbucks did it to coffee, Krispy Kreme did it to donuts. Why not Peanut Butter? I'm sure with the right spin, you can convince someone that a very special aged organic peanut butter is worth $20 a jar...

Great blog :)

Chrees said...

If you offer Nutella, you may be mobbed.

There was a group called the Peanut Butter Conspiracy back in the 60s. The only non-kid song I know with peanut butter in the title was "Peanut Butter" by the Marathons/Vibrations from the early 60s. Yeah, I have waaaaay too much song trivia taking up valuable space.

mapgirl said...

'pea-nuuuut peanut butter!'

I think the next line is 'jelly!'

Imagine what you could charge for jelly and all the varieties there are of jam & jelly.

Kira said...

There was a flash file with a song that was called "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" set to a dance beat. You could definitely be a performance artist, peanut-buttering things while breakdancing or something. I would watch that. =)