Saturday, April 01, 2006

Miscellaneous News

After selling GM, I was originally going to just keep the cash on hand in my money market account, but since it looks like my condo closing will be a little later than I originally thought, I decided to put the money into another mutual fund in the meantime. I always limit my choice to the no-load, no-fee funds offered by E*Trade, and then just try to find funds that are performing well and have low expense ratios. This time I picked VDSEX, a micro-cap fund that invests in legal, chain-operated brothels in emerging markets.

I've been looking for small ways to save money around the house. One that I have already started to implement is using shorter pieces of dental floss. I know that may not seem like something that will have much impact, but when you remember the power of compounding interest, that dental floss will be long enough to reach the moon by the time I retire. Likewise with toilet paper-- if I use one square less each time, by the power of compounding interest that will be enough toilet paper to cover all the hedges at the White House every day for a year by the time I retire. And I read an article in Body & Soul magazine about inexpensive ways to give yourself an all-natural, professional quality manicure-- they recommend soaking your fingertips in whole milk for a few minutes, as the lactic acid softens cuticles. But what a waste of milk, right? So in order to save money AND time, I now eat my morning bowl of Cheerios with my fingers-- it works great! And by the power of compounding interest, that saved milk will be enough to fill a whole swimming pool by the time I retire, so I'll be able to have soft skin all over.

And after much internal debate about maintaining my anonymity, I decided to follow Flexo's example and satisfy the curiosity of everyone who has been dying to know what I really look like, just to add a more personal touch to the blog. In case you're wondering, I don't own the motorcycle any more. I got rid of it after I stopped waitressing in the suburbs on the weekends-- I eventually decided the extra cash wasn't enough to be worth it... and I was eating too many hot wings on the job.

10 comments:

Bitty said...

April Fools? :)

IRA said...

LOL! VDSEX? Eating cheerios with your fingers? Hahahaha.

Anonymous said...

that's not you!!!


http://images.google.com/images?q=hooter+girl+on+bike&hl=en

Penny Nickel said...

Ha! You had me on the VDSEX for a moment before I did a double-take... nicely done! :-)

Apollo said...

LOL. Oh my. That was a great sense of humor.

Too bad anonymous doesn't know any better. Of course that's you. You should change your name to Foxy Lady.

Cap said...

I duno about you guys, but I'm still going to pretend that's her. *giggles*

The Utah Resistance said...

I thought: "Finally! Someone else who eats Cheerios with their fingers!"

inagm said...

somehow I missed your description of VDSEX the first time...that was sneaky

Anonymous said...

after reading the other's comments I finally drew the connection with the date! very funny.....

Anonymous said...

So smart and so sexy! *drooling*