Friday, August 15, 2008

Dopiest Financial Information on the Web

And the winner is... the AOL home page!

Today they have a feature on jobs that pay $60 an hour, which could average out to over $124,000 a year based on a 40 hour workweek. So here's their list:

1. Investment Banker
Job Description: Arranges initial public offerings (IPOs) and issues stocks or bonds for businesses seeking capital.

2. Nurse Anesthetist
Job Description: Administers anesthesia prior to surgery or delivery; monitors levels of anesthesia during the procedure and adjusts accordingly.

3. Pediatrician
Job Description: Diagnoses, treats, and helps prevent children's diseases and injuries.

4. Airline Pilot
Job Description: Pilots and navigates multi-engine aircraft in regularly scheduled transport of passengers and cargo.

5. Chief Financial Officer
Job Description: Manages a company's financial planning and record keeping; reports on financial status to the board of directors and investors.

6. Semi Conductor Engineer
Job Description: Provides technical leadership for the design of microchips, which are the basic building blocks for electronic devices with memory or computing power.

7. Director of Supply Chain Management
Job Description: Ensures an organization has access to the raw materials and resources required to operate effectively.

8. Corporate Attorney
Job Description: Researches and ensures the legality of practices, products, and transactions for a corporation.

9. VP of Government Affairs
Job Description: Works for a corporation and collaborates with government leaders and politicians; influences legislation and policies in favor of business interests.

10. Pharmacy Director
Job Description: Oversees pharmacy staff and inventory; assures services are in compliance with professional standards and government regulations.

Each job profile is followed by a link saying "See who's hiring physicians" etc. As if you would just say "hey, I think I'll apply for a job as a physician or a Chief Financial Officer!"

They also have links to lists of jobs at other salary ranges, from $15 an hour up to $75 an hour. Under the $75 an hour heading, they have totally vague things like "VP of Sales" and "VP of Marketing." So hey, everybody, don't set your sights too low and decide to be an investment banker!


Rachella said...

That looks like blatent advertising to me.

S said...

Haha this is great! They make these jobs sound so simple!

For example all a CFO has to do is merely report on the financial status of a company, it does not mention that their head is on the cutting board if one number is off!

It definately appears to be advertising rachella and a poor attempt if I must say so!

A. Marigold said...

If anyone had told me that I would make only $60 per hour as a corporate attorney, I would not have gone to law school. ;)

frugal zeitgeist said...

Well dang, I missed my calling. All I have to do to be a Semi Conductor Engineer is lead! I guess all that college and grad school was a freakin' waste.

mapgirl said...

1. Every investment banker friend I had told me their first year works out to less than minimum wage. Nobody only works 40 hours. That is a complete lie. You live out of a suitcase.

2. Nearly all these jobs require higher education of some sort, or else getting into the right network at posh schools, thus incurring debt in that awful mentality called 'You have to spend money to make money.'

3. Like anything other crappy retail job, being a pediatrician is not all that it's cracked up to be. You end up dealing with neurotic parents a lot of the time. Plus it's crappy when you have to watch a kid die from cancer if you choose oncology as a specialty. (Of course there are awesome days too, but it can take its psychic toll.)

4. Pilots get laid off all the time when the industry downsizes. Unless you have lots of seniority, you might not have a steady job.

5. CFO's are legally responsible for their filings with the SEC. It means sticking your neck out and answering lots of analyst questions. Not as fun as you think it is.

6. If I could pick a job to do from this list, I would pick either the Semiconductor Engineering job or the Pharmacy job. I have friends who do either and love what they do. But being a Pharmacy manager has components of being on your feet all day, but the engineering job does not. Plus most semiconductor design houses are in cool places to live... So I guess the engineering job wins!

1001 Petals said...

Maybe that article is more useful for kids in high school who are still figuring out what they want to do. .

Anonymous said...

Dopey, but it made me look!

mOOm said...

Some Yahoo Finance articles are just as bad.

Anonymous said...

Don't laugh at VP of Sales. I read somewhere that something like half of the highest paying jobs are in sales.

There is a LOT of money to be made for those who can sell.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Strange Bird. I think some corporate attorneys would gladly accept $60 an hour if they knew the total hours would be limited to 40. I know I was willing to do that, when I was not that many years out of law school. I was sick of traveling all the time and working all the time, and the in-house position gave me my life back. But remember, location matters a lot, too. I lived in a very cheap area. $124K in Manhattan? No, I couldn't've done that. But where we lived, it was plenty for us to have my spouse stay home with our child, and for us to live a very nice life.