Stupid Expensive Pet Tricks

I was browsing through a copy of Prevention magazine and found this a little sidebar headlined "Pointless Pet Product Hall of Fame," offering these lovely ways to spend your hard-earned cash:

Silicone pet testicle implants: To help your dog or cat "retain his natural look" and "self-esteem" after being neutered (more than 150,000 sold).

I found a website for a company that makes these: Neuticles. NICE name! And according to the website, sales are now up over 225,000. The implants themselves are not all that expensive: from $73 a pair for the original models, up to $329 a pair for "Neuticles UltraPLUS." (I guess those must be for dogs that have gone into a deep depression after watching Van Wilder.) But I guess you also have to pay your vet for the procedure to implant them.
Be sure to check out the Neuticles FAQ page:

Can Neuticles be implanted in people?

Absolutely not...

Well, that is a shame. But here's one that pet owners themselves can partake of, if they dare:

Bottled water: Available flavors include Toilet Water and Gutter Water. Costs significantly more than bottled water for humans.

If you go to the website for K9 Water, you'll see that a 4-pack of 16.9 oz bottles of Gutter Water costs $7.49, not counting shipping. This is definitely something you could easily bottle and label yourself for far less. But you'd have to be very talented indeed to make this item yourself:

Dog hairpieces: Yes, wigs-- including the Yappy Hour("a good choice for hairless dogs") and the Peak a Bow Wow (for the "sexy dog").

Yes, these dog wigs are pretty cute. At one pet website, you can get the Yappy Hour for $39.95 plus $7.00 shipping. But wouldn't you rather give your ambitious, status-conscious pet the Donald Trump?